Blog: JUST DON’T DO IT!
How to avoid the boondoggle
In today’s blog, we’ll consider the following:
King of Language
21st Century Sports Science
Just Don’t Do It!
King of Language
I enjoy re-inventing (mangling) the English language. Language arts was not my most victorious subject during my school journey. As a boy, I questioned how and why some of the disparate and counter-intuitive spelling and grammatical rules were in place. What nitwit created all those crazy specifications for our oral and written communication? I dreamed of the day when I would become the “King of Language.” Actually, I still ponder how we could make our words better and easier. If you agree with my changes below, please consider voting me in as “Language Czar.” My earnest campaign promise: On my first day in office, I will make the following linguistic improvements (contortions).
Word spelling modifications:
- Change “phonetic” to “fonetic” – which makes perfect sense
- Change “pneumonia” to “newmonia” – easier spelling, fewer errors
- Change “knee” to “nee” – get rid of those pesky unneeded letters
- Change “hemorrhoids” to “asteroids” – just for fun
- Change “thoughtfulness” to “ummm” – its truer meaning in our current culture of mindlessness
Oh, and what about this one? I would permeate a new phrase into our vernacular: “potable thinking.” I predict it would become the newest, most popular Google search term. Here’s my rationale. The current definition of “potable” is “safe to drink.” Definition of “thinking” is “intelligent, sensible, reasonable, rational, reasoning, logical, analytical, reflective, meditative, contemplative, pensive, philosophical, or ratiocinative.” What better way to be mindful than to drink in safe, contemplative thoughts? Now that’s a tangible descriptor.
Coach’s sidebar: Based on what I am seeing and hearing out in the world, it’s becoming commonplace for humans, supposedly sentient beings, to have no authentic thoughts. Maybe we should change “thinking” to “regurgitating” or “ingeminating”. I could be swayed, with minimal lobbying efforts by my constituency, to implement this unfortunate elucidatory change.
The disarranged vocabulary above points to the similarities in the ways some companies boondoggle us. They twist things around and make questionable products sound plausible. And evidently, these less-than-scrupulous tactics are quite lucrative. Now, I know we live in an economic and political system called capitalism. In fact, in last week’s blog, I talked about the American Dream. Many people see capitalism as an essential part of democracy and the American spirit. However, some companies are relentlessly unconcerned with serving the best interests of our society. They’ve taken the American Dream and warped it into a nightmare of “profit at all costs no matter who you deceive or harm.”
Let me try to link this back to our favorite topic – sports, sports injury to be exact. At bodyhelix, we’ve worked diligently to bring our peak-performance products to the market (using honest advertising I might add). I’ve decried the insufficiency of quality compression products for decades. This criticism was the impetus of bodyhelix. The fact that the mega-companies have yet to develop quality compression gear for their sponsored athletes still astounds me.
One would suppose that those big sports companies would realize that it’s in their best interest to keep their sponsored athletes’ best interests in mind. As sports, particularly tennis, continue to become faster and more powerful, injuries will become more and more common. Injuries negatively impact careers, and injury prevention should be paramount. The realization that big sports companies treat their players like commodities cuts me deep. When I see the trainers run on the court to mummify players in elastic stretch bandages and tape, I want to scream.
I’ll take this a step farther – by taking a step back in time. For centuries, cloth rags were used to dress injuries. Then by 1900, the first American-made tensor bandage was developed by Oscar Schwidetzky. The ACE bandage was born in 1918. We all know that recognizable tan fabric wrap. While the company, now owned by 3M, has evolved a few ‘new’ products over the many decades, they still carry that familiar bandage.
Back in the day, the elastic bandage was the cutting-edge choice for athletes. A century later, that should no longer be true. Over the last hundred years, fabric science has advanced significantly; however, to my chagrin, I still see trainers, coaches and athletes using this bandage. Imagine the insanity of asking a world champion like Novak Djokovic to play with a wooden tennis racquet. Djokovic would consider the idea to be incredulous and unacceptable.
21st Century Sports Science
Here in the 21st century, why are athletes relegated to 20th-century technology? The boondoggle is over! There are countless resources on the topics of fitness, nutrition, biomechanics, and technique – all of which are based on sound science. Continual improvement requires us to explore these tools. Embrace potable thinking and neural cultivating. It’s time for candid information from indisputable modern science.
Bodyhelix compression gear is a product formed from sound science with the cutting-edge technology of our time. It is superior to the bandages that elite professional athletes use today. Our products are light years beyond other products that claim to be injury prevention/support products.
Our materials are manufactured with ISO13485 Certificates, the international quality standard for medical equipment manufacturers. This is not a mandated certification. We voluntarily take this extra step as a commitment of quality. Our fabric is sort of like taking a thin sheet of bubble wrap, only made out of rubber instead of plastic. Then place a very high-stretch super soft fabric on the bottom and top. Next, infuse the layers with tiny nitrogen bubbles. The result is an extraordinarily stretchy, soft, bouncy type of fabric. This coveted methodology is unmatched in the compression gear arena.
Remarkably, the natural rubber component in bodyhelix gear has a 99.8% restoration factor. Put on our product, and then put your finger underneath and stretch it. When you let go, you’ll hear the snap. Our products have 300% stretch capacity. Standard neoprene stretches around 30 to 50%. How could you move around in a compression product that can’t stretch? Answer: not very well at all.
In fabric science terminology, bodyhelix pays special attention to the material’s “strain”. This is the ability for the fabric to return to its original shape. When you bend and straighten an arm or leg, our material stretches with you. And the fabric actually ‘pulls back’ faster than you can move. Our material minimizes muscle oscillation at impact. When you run, every time your foot hits the ground, muscle oscillations ripple through your body.
Our incredible stretch/strain factors limit these vibrations and prevent muscle microtrauma and reduce fatigue. After trying our products, like the Thigh Helix, I inevitably hear phrases like “Wow, my legs feel spring-loaded”. This stored elastic energy boost is helpful, especially if you’re injured. Our medical-grade compression is a strong support system for the body.
In addition to the wonderful support and compression, these products stay in place. No tugging or pulling. I can play a grueling three-set match and never have to adjust my Thigh Helix. For the record, I don’t just wear them when I am injured, I wear them any time I’m on the court. Standard neoprene doesn’t stay in place. How could it, when it doesn’t stretch with the body? Our form-fit technology allows bodyhelix products to outstretch any range of motion ensuring the products don’t move.
Standard low stretch neoprene can pinch and pull when you try to move in them. This can be uncomfortable and is a constant reminder of your injury. Our Form-Fit superior technology and soft fabric mean that you may forget you are even wearing the product. It will move with you effortlessly and offer uniform compression.
All compression gear is not created equal. Almost all neoprene products are made of petroleum and contain latex. Bodyhelix materials are non-petrochemical and latex-free.
But wait there’s more. Did you know that standard neoprene products are made with open-cell materials? Think of an open cell like a sponge. Neoprene products allow the absorption and accumulation of sweat in the product – a breeding ground for bacteria. And, more often than not, athletes don’t bother to wash neoprene products because of the hassle of long drying times. Smelly and disgusting!
Bodyhelix material is closed cell. Its dense cell structure makes it naturally resilient against moisture. After play, simply take off your bodyhelix gear, throw it in the washer AND dryer. Your products are fresh and clean, and you are ready to get back into the game with safe gear. How often should you wash your bodyhelix gear? Answer: as often as you wash your socks or underwear. They are specially designed for easy laundering.
Are you surprised at how much potable thought went into the development of bodyhelix products? All these benefits are factual and genuine. No boondoggle.
Just Don’t Do It
I can’t tell you how many times people have asked about the ‘magical’ qualities of copper. This is yet another hoodwink that continues to flood the compression market. The claim that copper-infused material promotes health and wellness is meritless. These are thin spandex products with fancy logos and celebrity endorsers. This oddity rivals Rumpelstiltskin’s skill. They can turn copper into gold – the gold that lines the pockets of the companies that make these claims.
Coach’s sidebar: Definition of “hoodwink” is “deceive, trick, dupe, outwit, fool, delude, cheat, take in, bluff, hoax, mislead, misguide, lead on, defraud, double-cross, swindle, gull, finagle, bamboozle, gyp, rip off, pull the wool over someone’s eyes, take to the cleaners, snooker, or hornswoggle.”
Pick any of the words in the definition above, and you’ll be spot on in describing the tactics of companies whose cheaply made products just don’t work. The silly marketing stories surrounding these products are delusional. “Uncommon” sense tells us that you cannot use the cheapest materials in the world and produce the highest quality sports compression gear on the planet.
No matter how recognizable the logo is, when it comes to wasting your money on inferior compression gear, JUST DON’T DO IT! (Maybe this should be our new tagline. It’s kind of catchy.) The biggest sports companies may have fabulous sportswear and shoes. Others may have the premier racquets, bicycles, or helmets. Remember, when it comes to caring about your injury prevention and support, bodyhelix does it best. Why go through all the grueling training only to use shoddy products for injury avoidance and recovery?
At bodyhelix we offer the highest-grade compression material in the world. We refuse to compromise. Unfortunately, the world is full of foolish people searching for the lowest price and expecting the highest quality. These folks are easily boondoggled and hoodwinked.
Serious athletes study their craft and know quality gear is essential for their performance. As the word gets out about our products, we’re hearing more and more serious athletes raving about them. So much so, that I’ve been asked if bodyhelix is some kind of cult. Really? I smile and say, our bodyhelix users are a culture of serious athletes who use potable thinking to carefully prepare and train for their sport. Those athletes seek out the best gear available. You can, too.
Bodyhelix is a veteran-owned, US manufacturing company you can trust. We appreciate the recognition of so many of our loyal customers who acknowledge the extra effort bodyhelix puts forth. You deserve it. At bodyhelix, we are committed to challenging the status quo. That’s one more reason to put me in charge of the English language. I would change “Status Quo” to “JUST DON’T DO IT”.
Coming up in our blog series: The SUGAR Boondoggle. How many times can food companies rename sugar before people figure out they are being hoodwinked — again? Bodyhelix has decided to disrupt this trend by offering a genuine, healthy sports drink. Coming soon HYDRO HELIX by bodyhelix. It’s an all-natural energy drink for endurance. We are excited to offer another quality product to enhance your training.
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Move Through It!